So. . . um. . . yeah. . . what happened to today? It started off like normal: bowl of cereal, treadmill (17), shower, toothbrush, floss, deodorant. . . then what happened with the rest of the day? Looking back, it seems like all I did was pick out some recipes that fit into my new diet (16), go to the store to buy things for my new diet, take care of some email, cook dinner (with some guidance from my mom) (19), eat dinner, and yogalatesize (10, 13, 16, 17). That doesn't seem like it should've taken all day. However, when you consider that I can no longer eat most of the foods I am used to eating and that most of the time in the store was spent frowning at labels and cursing MSG for being so savory that every manufacturer insists upon using it in their delectable products, the day could've seemed a lot longer than it did. I don't know if the new diet is going to be helpful for my head or not, but I have been feeling a lot better over the past week than I have in a long, long time. I think the combination of exercise, drive, optimism, and kind words have done wonders for my physical state of being. . . I think I'll cut this post a bit short tonight. I'm tired. I had hoped to do more today, but the stuff that I was doing seemed to get in the way of me doing stuff. . .
I'm grateful for beds and floofy pillows and warm blankets (20).
Showing posts with label 19. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 19. Show all posts
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Thursday, February 8, 2007
flour storm
I'll start with a quick thanks to z-man (20). I haven't had a chance to go over the html tutorial site all that much, but it seems to be exactly what I'm looking for. Instead of boring you all with some of the more ho-hum details of The List, I'm going to just do a quick driveby of some of the drier stuff and then move on to the meat of today.
2. I wrote for two to three hours today. I also ordered a couple single issues of literary journals so I can become more familiar with the marketplace.
10. 13. 16. 17. two miles on the treadmill. more yogalates (Downward dog? More like downward bitch. That shit is hard.)
24. The cleaning continues.
12. Called about a job.
So, my mom showed me how to make chicken and dumplings today (19). That's one of those foods that just makes me warm and squishy inside because it was one of those big deal meals growing up. "Mom's making dumplings? Sweet! I'm skipping lunch." But the preparation of the meal in this instance was perhaps a bit lacking. Okay, so to make the dumplings, you mix up some flour and salt and pepper in the mixer. Then you add Crisco to the mix. Here's where it gets fun. I dumped the first glob of Crisco into the bowl and it immediately attached itself to the mixer, creating a rotating paddle perfectly designed for spraying flour all over the kitchen. So, my mom steps in and says, "No, you need to turn the mixer down first." So we did that. And then, once the Crisco was blended in, she said we could turn the mixer up again. Poof. More flour. More mess. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere.
I've made some serious progress in my reading of Heal Your Headache (16). The author, David Bucholz, M.D., claims that everyone is prone to migraine, that what is commonly referred to as a migraine (severe headache with vomiting, dizziness, photophobia, etc.) is an extreme case of what everyone deals with. Bucholz says that we all have a migraine mechanism that, when triggered, causes headaches, dizziness, nausea, stiff necks, bloody noses, sweating, chills, visual disturbances, congestion, inner-ear issues, tension, and so much more. If he's right and his system works, it would be pretty awesome for me because I've suffered quite a few of those symptoms. His system seems to be a long term one. So I'll let you know if it works for me after I've been at it for a while.
I'm grateful for the sweet old lady who lives next door. She always says and does the nicest things (20).
2. I wrote for two to three hours today. I also ordered a couple single issues of literary journals so I can become more familiar with the marketplace.
10. 13. 16. 17. two miles on the treadmill. more yogalates (Downward dog? More like downward bitch. That shit is hard.)
24. The cleaning continues.
12. Called about a job.
So, my mom showed me how to make chicken and dumplings today (19). That's one of those foods that just makes me warm and squishy inside because it was one of those big deal meals growing up. "Mom's making dumplings? Sweet! I'm skipping lunch." But the preparation of the meal in this instance was perhaps a bit lacking. Okay, so to make the dumplings, you mix up some flour and salt and pepper in the mixer. Then you add Crisco to the mix. Here's where it gets fun. I dumped the first glob of Crisco into the bowl and it immediately attached itself to the mixer, creating a rotating paddle perfectly designed for spraying flour all over the kitchen. So, my mom steps in and says, "No, you need to turn the mixer down first." So we did that. And then, once the Crisco was blended in, she said we could turn the mixer up again. Poof. More flour. More mess. Everywhere. Everywhere. Everywhere.
I've made some serious progress in my reading of Heal Your Headache (16). The author, David Bucholz, M.D., claims that everyone is prone to migraine, that what is commonly referred to as a migraine (severe headache with vomiting, dizziness, photophobia, etc.) is an extreme case of what everyone deals with. Bucholz says that we all have a migraine mechanism that, when triggered, causes headaches, dizziness, nausea, stiff necks, bloody noses, sweating, chills, visual disturbances, congestion, inner-ear issues, tension, and so much more. If he's right and his system works, it would be pretty awesome for me because I've suffered quite a few of those symptoms. His system seems to be a long term one. So I'll let you know if it works for me after I've been at it for a while.
I'm grateful for the sweet old lady who lives next door. She always says and does the nicest things (20).
Monday, February 5, 2007
Day one
Ok, so today started with a two-hour drive stretched into a two-and-a-half-hour drive by the slippery roads that sent at least twenty cars to a resting spot in the snow banks just beyond the shoulders. At first, due to my sleepiness and unease from the trip, I didn't accomplish much of anything after the drive. However, after a very brief nap I awoke with this almost panicked need to be doing something. So I got up, took a shower, and went out to get some clothes for job hunting (12), only to realize that the options for purchasing respectable men's clothing are quite limited in this town. I did manage to find a few shirts that were decent enough. Next, I got my haircut, as I had grown far more shaggy than a fine, upstanding individual like myself should be. I also bought a new set of guitar strings--which I later put on my guitar--while I was out, which doesn't quite handle number 14, but it is intended to lead up to it. I fixed dinner tonight--stew with biscuits (19). For those of you that don't know, if you're boiling something with a lid on the pot, water will collect on the underside of the lid. I knew this beforehand. I swear. But a belly stained with stew sweat seems to indicate otherwise.
I received my first two comments today. Both of which helped me to achieve number 20 on The List. Piwok (a very clever name for someone who has spent some time in the Jedi Forest) recommended a dvd that would help me with 10, 13, 16, and 17. Not being one to put things off anymore, I ordered it right away, and it's due to arrive on Wednesday. So, I maybe haven't gotten to the point of crossing anything off the list yet, but I have gotten starts for a bunch of them. Also, I made the call to officially pass on the apartment I had lined up because it was far too expensive and I don't want to be bumming half the rent from my parents every month. I know that seems to contradict item number 8, but my new plan has me very briefly postponing number 8. The plan is as follows:
Tomorrow, I litter my resume around this town at anyplace that will take it. Then, once I have a job here, I will start sending out my resume to employers in some of the larger cities that I am interested in living in. If after two weeks of vigorous applying I have not found a job in another city, I will start looking for a place in this area with a month-to-month lease. That way, when I get that big-city job, I won't be tied up by a one-year lease in this town.
I've also added a few new items to the list.
21. Get back in touch with Piwok. She's probably the oldest friend I have, and it's ridiculous that I've lost touch with her.
22. Eliminate mindless distractions. I've already started on this one by removing quite a few games and other distractions from my computer. I've also vowed to limit my tv watching to four specific shows.
23. Start performing again. Today, while stringing my guitar, I actually began to miss it.
Alright, I know it doesn't sound like much. But it's a start. And I'm actually quite optimistic about my new employment/housing plan. It seems like a better way to go than entering into a lease I probably wouldn't be able to afford even if I did have a job. . . The night is still a bit early, and I plan on working on number 2 by writing a bit tonight and number 16 by starting to read the book "Heal Your Headache." Anyway, sorry if this post wasn't as interesting as the previous. Hopefully tomorrow should be more interesting.
I received my first two comments today. Both of which helped me to achieve number 20 on The List. Piwok (a very clever name for someone who has spent some time in the Jedi Forest) recommended a dvd that would help me with 10, 13, 16, and 17. Not being one to put things off anymore, I ordered it right away, and it's due to arrive on Wednesday. So, I maybe haven't gotten to the point of crossing anything off the list yet, but I have gotten starts for a bunch of them. Also, I made the call to officially pass on the apartment I had lined up because it was far too expensive and I don't want to be bumming half the rent from my parents every month. I know that seems to contradict item number 8, but my new plan has me very briefly postponing number 8. The plan is as follows:
Tomorrow, I litter my resume around this town at anyplace that will take it. Then, once I have a job here, I will start sending out my resume to employers in some of the larger cities that I am interested in living in. If after two weeks of vigorous applying I have not found a job in another city, I will start looking for a place in this area with a month-to-month lease. That way, when I get that big-city job, I won't be tied up by a one-year lease in this town.
I've also added a few new items to the list.
21. Get back in touch with Piwok. She's probably the oldest friend I have, and it's ridiculous that I've lost touch with her.
22. Eliminate mindless distractions. I've already started on this one by removing quite a few games and other distractions from my computer. I've also vowed to limit my tv watching to four specific shows.
23. Start performing again. Today, while stringing my guitar, I actually began to miss it.
Alright, I know it doesn't sound like much. But it's a start. And I'm actually quite optimistic about my new employment/housing plan. It seems like a better way to go than entering into a lease I probably wouldn't be able to afford even if I did have a job. . . The night is still a bit early, and I plan on working on number 2 by writing a bit tonight and number 16 by starting to read the book "Heal Your Headache." Anyway, sorry if this post wasn't as interesting as the previous. Hopefully tomorrow should be more interesting.
The List
I just got my ass kicked. The funny thing is that earlier in the day I had told this person who means so much to me that I needed my ass kicked, and just a few hours ago she obliged. She kicked my ass hard and fast and over and over. Then she consoled me before kicking my ass again. Built me up. Kicked my ass. Built. Kicked. Built. Kicked. At the time, I couldn't really digest what was happening, but I did have a feeling that it was something important, something that required a swift and harsh response. But I had none. I was impotent. I was everything the ass-kicker had said multiplied by everything she didn't have to say. Every assertion that she made about my lack of drive was reinforced by my inability to convince her otherwise. She had me pegged, and I knew it. I gave in because she was right. I gave in because I always give in and wait. She was right. I have done nothing with my life. I sit and think to myself, "Tomorrow I will be the writer, the poker player, the black belt, the lover, the provider, the person that I really want to be." Then tomorrow comes, and I think "Well, I waited yesterday, and my life's no worse off. Maybe it won't be so bad to wait another day." But I was wrong. Each day wasted has lessened my quality of life. The change was so little that I didn't notice it while it was happening, but years upon years of days chipping away at who I am, who I'm trying to become, have left me just a splinter of what I hoped I would be at the age of 27. She suggested I make a list of goals and what have you, and I didn't take her seriously at the time. Then, less than an hour ago, my sister was talking me through the situation, and out of nowhere I said, "I want to go to Vegas, play poker. I'm good at it. I play online, and I'm good at it. But I've never played in person." I continued to list things that I want to do with my life, and my sister ran into the other room, got a pen and some paper, and said, "Write this down. You should make a list." Shit. Within a matter of hours, two women who mean a great deal to me, both told me I needed to make a fucking list. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm starting this blog as a part of that list and also to announce my intentions to the world. Below, you will find said list. In the coming days, weeks, months, and years, I will work toward every goal on this list. Every day I will do something major towards achieving at least one of these goals. As I plan to stop being static, this list, too, shall be dynamic. If I think of something new I would like to accomplish, I will put it on the list. I will fill this blog with updates on my progress. My hope is that by putting this out there where friends, family, and strangers can see it, I am somehow imposing accountability upon my quest. If I bring other people into this pact, it will be harder for me to break it. So feel free to leave a comment to build me up a little or kick my ass a lot. Or, tell people about this blog. Ask them to read it for my sake. The more people in on a pact, the stronger it becomes. Now that I've taken care of this preamble to the rest of my life, I'll move on to the list. But first I want to thank both my sister and the ass-kicker. I love you both a great deal, and you each may have given me exactly what I needed. Now, here it is:
THE LIST
1. Play poker seriously. Go to Vegas, the casino in the city down the road, anywhere, see if I really could be as good as I think.
2. Write. Write. Write. Write. Write. Until I'm finished writing. Then publish. I love to write. Why don't I do it more often?
3. Start a blog. I love reading blogs. I love to write. I should write a blog.
4. Learn to kiss. It's embarrassing how deep into my life I am without ever having learned to kiss.
5. Learn to swim. It's embarrassing how deep into my life I am without ever having learned to swim.
6. Earn a black belt. I've always wanted to be a black belt, ever since I saw The Karate Kid.
7. Have kids. Kids are good. Family is good.
8. Move out. I'm 27 and living with my parents again.
9. Get involved in a cause. There are so many things that I care about (the environment, education, human rights, etc.), and I do nothing to improve them.
10. Learn Yoga. I'm too stressed out.
11. Travel. I want to go places, to see the things that people see.
12. Pay the bills. I need to find a job that will pay the bills until my writing or poker-playing start paying the rent.
13. Fix my nerves. I'm too stressed out. I should try to be less stressed out.
14. Write a song and sing it at an open mic night. I have the start of so many songs that never get finished because I know I'll never sing them for anyone.
15. Convince her. It may be too late, but I will try.
16. Fix my head. Too many headaches are taking up too much of my life.
17. Exercise. This will probably help both the nerves and the headaches. Plus, it will help me to look good when I go topless to learn how to swim.
18. Get friends of my own. Most of my friends are either family or somehow connected to family.
19. Learn to cook. Everyone should probably know how to cook.
20. Be grateful everyday. Thinking about all the good things in life should help me to press on.
21. Get back in touch with Piwok. She's probably the oldest friend I have, and it's ridiculous that I've lost touch with her. (Feb. 5 2007)
22. Eliminate mindless distractions. I've already started on this one by removing quite a few games and other distractions from my computer. I've also vowed to limit my tv watching to four specific shows. (Feb. 5 2007)
23. Start performing again. Today, while stringing my guitar, I actually began to miss it. (Feb. 5 2007)
24. Clean stuff up. (Feb. 7 2007)
25. Look up HTML tags to update this blog. (Feb. 7 2007)
26. Stop pacing. It doesn't do anything good for anyone involved. (Feb. 9 2007)
27. Challenge myself. (Feb. 13 2007)
THE LIST
2. Write. Write. Write. Write. Write. Until I'm finished writing. Then publish. I love to write. Why don't I do it more often?
4. Learn to kiss. It's embarrassing how deep into my life I am without ever having learned to kiss.
5. Learn to swim. It's embarrassing how deep into my life I am without ever having learned to swim.
6. Earn a black belt. I've always wanted to be a black belt, ever since I saw The Karate Kid.
7. Have kids. Kids are good. Family is good.
8. Move out. I'm 27 and living with my parents again.
9. Get involved in a cause. There are so many things that I care about (the environment, education, human rights, etc.), and I do nothing to improve them.
10. Learn Yoga. I'm too stressed out.
11. Travel. I want to go places, to see the things that people see.
12. Pay the bills. I need to find a job that will pay the bills until my writing or poker-playing start paying the rent.
13. Fix my nerves. I'm too stressed out. I should try to be less stressed out.
14. Write a song and sing it at an open mic night. I have the start of so many songs that never get finished because I know I'll never sing them for anyone.
15. Convince her. It may be too late, but I will try.
16. Fix my head. Too many headaches are taking up too much of my life.
17. Exercise. This will probably help both the nerves and the headaches. Plus, it will help me to look good when I go topless to learn how to swim.
18. Get friends of my own. Most of my friends are either family or somehow connected to family.
19. Learn to cook. Everyone should probably know how to cook.
20. Be grateful everyday. Thinking about all the good things in life should help me to press on.
21. Get back in touch with Piwok. She's probably the oldest friend I have, and it's ridiculous that I've lost touch with her. (Feb. 5 2007)
22. Eliminate mindless distractions. I've already started on this one by removing quite a few games and other distractions from my computer. I've also vowed to limit my tv watching to four specific shows. (Feb. 5 2007)
23. Start performing again. Today, while stringing my guitar, I actually began to miss it. (Feb. 5 2007)
24. Clean stuff up. (Feb. 7 2007)
26. Stop pacing. It doesn't do anything good for anyone involved. (Feb. 9 2007)
27. Challenge myself. (Feb. 13 2007)
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