Is there a way to improve yourself without being so self-involved? I've been thinking about this whole process of mine, and I realize that I've been quite selfish. I evaluate a situation based on what good it will do for me, will it help me to be closer to who I want to be? I lean on people who have problems far bigger than merely being dissatisfied with their lives, people who don't have the time to hold my hand and counsel me. Even this blog is all about me. All of the readers that I personally know have real-life problems to deal with. And what do I give them? Poor me. I don't have a job. I'm sad. . . Bah. That should be an item on the list.
29. Always try to consider others.
I haven't been doing this enough lately. I keep people up when they need to sleep. I ask people for help when I know they are busy. Heck, tomorrow I'm moving in with my sister's family for a while. I was so caught up in wanting to change my situation that I didn't even consider the fact that her family has a small house, several kids, and all the problems that go along with having a small house and several kids. They really need a squatter right now.~ But, actually, they do need a babysitter tomorrow night. So, even if I am a big ol' mooch, maybe I'll at least be a somewhat helpful mooch. . .
The selfishness hasn't been all bad, though. Because I am so caught up in myself and how I relate to the world and how the world relates to me, I'm suddenly finding meaning in everything I encounter; songs, movies, books, poems, a kindly old man, a caged dog, a shoe in the road, a smile, a hug, proximity. Everything seems more important than it once did. As I have no idea how long this state of mind will last (hopefully forever), I'm trying to force myself to encounter things that I want to give meaning to. I'm going on walks, putting myself around people, reading my favorite poets and authors, listening to my favorite music, studying the Bible and the Koran and the Tao Te Ching, and trying to absorb as much meaning as I can while I'm still receptive to it. I should be spending more time with the people I respect and care about. But I think they already have great meaning to me. . . I may be indulging in some more selfishness right now, but I feel like sharing some more quotes (an entire poem in one case) that I have found meaningful lately:
What is the use of running when we are not on the right way?
--German Proverb
Man Shall not live by bread alone. . .
--Matthew, 4:4
Many loves entail great costs,
Many riches entail heavy losses.
--Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
truth
And if sun comes
How shall we greet him?
Shall we not dread him,
Shall we not fear him
After so lengthy a
Session with shade?
Though we have wept for him,
Though we have prayed
All through the night-years--
What if we wake one shimmering morning to
Hear the fierce hammering
Of his firm knuckles
Hard on the door?
Shall we not shudder?--
Shall we not flee
Into the shelter, the dear thick shelter
Of the familiar
Propitious haze?
Sweet is it, sweet is it
To sleep in the coolness
Of snug unawareness.
The dark hangs heavily
Over the eyes.
--Gwendolyn Brooks
Life is like a movie. Write your own ending.
--Kermit the Frog
Yeah. I know I'm pretentious. Give me time. I'll come out of it.
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2 comments:
I personally don't think that you can ever try to really better yourself without being self-absorbed and selfish. That just comes with the territory.
Don't sweat it.
If you are someone who ALWAYS thinks of other people, then you never think of yourself, and can therefore never improve yourself.
Uh. You're sitting like ten feet away from me. How the heck do I respond to this when you just threw a pencil at me?
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