today in reverse

I just finished brushing my teeth. Now that may not sound like something that I can count toward The List, but I've taken the opportunity to make into something for the list. For some reason I walk around when I brush my teeth. Either I weave through the various rooms of the house, or I make a continuous circuit of the three-foot patch of floor that's in front of the sink. It's kind of silly and more than likely annoying as well. So, to work my way up to crossing number 26 from The List, I've vowed to plant myself in front of the sink until I'm done with the whole toothbrushing process.

I did some more yogalates tonight (10, 13, 16, 17). It's really good for me. I think the exercise aspect of it is the least of the ways it's benefited me up to this point. Throughout the workout, Louis Solomon is constantly reminding me to pay attention to the parts of the body that I'm not using and my breathing as well. Your face should be relaxed. You shouldn't be feeling anything in the neck. Keep with the breathing. And so on. Those reminders have actually seeped into the rest of my day. I'll be sitting reading or writing or whatever and realize that I have my jaw clenched or my shoulders raised up to my ears or I'll be holding my breath for no reason whatsoever. Hopefully this new awareness of my body will help me to ease my muscles out of the perpetual flex I seem to put them through by default.

I went through some of my much older papers tonight while trying to make sure I knew what I wanted for my writing portfolio. It was very encouraging for me. In the three years I spent back in college my writing improved a lot. My papers from the earlier classes I took as an English major were miserable. I'm not sure how the professors justified giving me the grades that they gave me on them, actually. But seeing how much I've improved in my writing, I feel optimistic about being able to improve it even more. Also, if I could improve that one aspect of me so much, maybe these other improvements I'm working on aren't so unrealistic either.

I made baked cod with a garlic butter for dinner tonight (19). It was a little bland but edible, and I don't have a headache, so. . .

I finished reading "Hate to be Alone," a short story by Stephen Elliot. It's not a long story, probably not more than 5000 words. But I couldn't finish it in one sitting. It's about (warning, gross oversimplification coming here) a man who has an affair with a sadist who's in an "open" marriage. The course of the affair is brief and brutal. When I read the beginning of the story I felt disgusted and intrigued and annoyed and angry and confused and so many other emotions that I lost track of the story. I still don't know what to make of it. But I've finished it. I think my emotions may be working their way more toward the surface during this whole List journey of mine. I can see that as being both good and bad. . . The story was a swirl of things (sadism in particular) that I've not experienced anything close to, but it still got a flurry of my emotions going. . . Sorry if my little mini-critique here is a bit too reader-response. It's probably my own private revolt against the mostly new-critic/historic (with a little Marx, Freud, and feminism) approach that I was saturated with in school. . . Yeah. I realize there are huge issues with parallelism in that last sentence. I'm not feeling like fixing it right now though.

I went to the grocery store today. That took up a good chunk of the day.

Treadmill (17).

How do people that do stuff have time to do stuff? It seemed like someone stole a little bit of the time from today and hid it somewhere so I couldn't use it. I was doing stuff almost all day, and I didn't get in everything that I wanted to get in. I don't know. I probably just need practice.

I'm grateful for new sheets (20).