The Waiting

If you hadn't noticed, I haven't been updating this blog as frequently as i did when I first started it. That's mostly because, as Thursday's post would indicate, I've kind of hit a wall, and my spirits have been a bit down. When I started, I was very motivated, confident, optimistic, driven, etc., etc., etc. But now. . . I had expected more progress in more areas of my life at this point. I know that real change takes real time and real work, and I didn't really expect the process to be easy. But when I went into this all, I kind of hoped it would be. I was hoping it would be like in the movies: I declare my plan for self-improvement, then there's a heroic montage of clips of me panting on the treadmill, falling over while attempting warrior I, sitting at a table with dozens of classified sections from dozens of papers spread out before me, frantically typing at my laptop, running on the treadmill and sweating a little less, taking my first swim class, then maybe a heartwarming clip involving me and the charming roommate who barely gets any lines, and then a closing shot of me, triumphant yet tranquil, perfectly balanced in warrior I. Then in the next scene I would be exactly who I want to be, and everything would finally start to align. But this damn montage is taking sooooo long. . . But I'm good. I'm closer to peace of mind again. I think yoga helped me a lot today. I wasn't going to do it, but my mom (20) convinced me that today of all days I needed it the most. And she was right. So thanks. . . So does this qualify as a sign: The past several days I've been getting sicker and sicker and sicker of waiting and waiting and waiting. And that's how I phrase it when I'm thinking to myself, "I'm sick of waiting." And I was thinking that very thing when I manufactured some errands. "I'm sick of waiting." I was thinking it when I left the house to do these errands. "I'm sick of waiting." I was thinking it just before I started my car. "I'm sick of waiting." Then when the car started, the radio blared, louder than I think my car radio has ever been, "The waiting is the hardest part," exactly at that point of the song. Not the verse. Not the bridge. But the chorus. Right at the point that so matched my mental state. Amen, Lucky. Amen. (boy, that pop culture allusion may have missed everyone) Funny (ironic?) that I'm having such trouble with waiting during Lent, the time of waiting, when I haven't had any trouble waiting in the past. . . I meant to write about how nice people are again today. The barber, the clerks, the owner, and all the other folks I met during my time among the living today were so nice and friendly. Before this blog, I somehow missed or forgot how good and welcoming most people are.

I'm grateful for the best haircut I've had in a while (20). I know this seems a little superficial compared to some of the things in the post that I could've picked to include here. But it's a really nice haircut.